Have you ever said something to your spouse and immediately regretted it? Or maybe you’ve held back words that could have brought comfort or understanding. I’ve been there.

Words have the power to either build bridges or burn them. In marriage, the right words can transform disconnection into intimacy.

Over 40 years of marriage, I’ve learned that the words I choose can heal, connect, and transform. More importantly, the heart behind those words can make all the difference.

Take it from me—marriage is a learning curve. Like the time I gave Patty a hardware store gift card for her birthday (yes, really). Her friends staged a good-humored ‘intervention’ giving me marriage advice through creating a book titled Gift Giving For Dummies. Patty kindly told me she would give me a do over. That moment taught me the value of two simple phrases: ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’ll make it up to you.’ Marriage is not about perfection—it’s about growth. A willingness to grow leads to marriage transformation.

Mutual humility, compassion and respect have helped us to not only weather but grow through the past 4 decades of marriage. It has not been without ups and downs, but our love is deeper now than ever.

Let me share with you 10 simple phrases that changed everything for my marriage. Through the ups and downs, I’ve learned that these simple phrases—or variations of them—can be game-changers for developing great communication in marriage. But remember, it’s not just about saying the words; it’s about embodying the love and respect behind them.

1. I love you.
When is the last time you said, “I love you,” with true intention? Don’t assume your partner knows—say it often and mean it. For example, start the day, end the day and before you head out the door for work, say, "I love you.” These three words build a foundation of security and connection.

2. How can I help?
What might happen if you asked your partner today, “Is there anything I can do to make your day better?” A small gesture of support can lighten the load and show your partner they’re not alone. It shows that you’re ready to step in and share the load whether it’s doing the dishes or lending a listening ear. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, I value your efforts, and I’m here to support you.” Small acts of service can build trust and connection over time.

3. Tell me more? What happened next?
Your spouse wants to know that you are listening and engaged. That becomes more evident when you put aside distractions to give eye contact. It is even more evident when you ask questions to draw your partner out. Don’t be a stone wall. Engage. Ask questions like, “So what happened next or how did that make you feel?” Don’t fix your spouse. Just listen and validate. Show support and concern.

4. I am so sorry. I should have handled that differently.
A genuine apology can diffuse tension and rebuild trust. This phrase takes accountability, which is essential for healing and growth in a relationship. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being willing to learn and do better. Tell your spouse what you plan to do differently and then follow through with the plan. That will build trust.

5. That’s okay. I forgive you. We’re good.
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of a lasting relationship. Saying this phrase with sincerity lets your partner know that you’re ready to move forward and leave resentment behind. It doesn’t mean ignoring hurt but choosing love over grudges.

6. I could be wrong, but my perspective is...
This phrase strikes a balance between sharing your thoughts and remaining open to dialogue. It communicates humility and creates space for a constructive conversation rather than a defensive argument.

7. I can see your point. It makes sense why you feel that way.
Validation is crucial in any relationship. This phrase acknowledges your partner’s feelings and perspectives, even if you don’t fully agree. It builds a bridge of empathy, showing them that their voice matters.

8. I have never done that, but I am willing to give it a try.
Being open to new experiences or perspectives shows humility and a willingness to grow together. Whether it’s trying your partner’s hobby or addressing a challenge in a new way, this phrase communicates, “I’m with you, and I’m willing to step outside my comfort zone for us.”

9. That’s okay. Maybe we could try again tomorrow.
Marriage isn’t about getting it right every time; it’s about persistence and grace. This phrase encourages resilience and reminds your partner that setbacks are just opportunities to try again together. Sometimes you need to step away from an argument. Just make sure you come back and are ready to work as partners.

10. Thank you. I appreciate you.
Be specific with your appreciation. Give an example. For instance, “Thank you Patty, for researching and buying me a new desk chair that will be better for my back. You are always looking out for me and it means a lot to me.” Positive affirmations are the number one emotional need for many people. People want to be seen and appreciated.

Marriage is a journey of love, forgiveness, and growth. These 10 phrases aren’t just words—they’re tools to foster connection and build the partnership you’ve always dreamed of.

Remember, no one’s perfect. Whether it’s buying the wrong gift or saying the wrong thing, there’s always room for a ‘do-over.’ Showing up every day with intention and love will transform your relationship.

Which of these phrases do you use most often? Which one could you say more to strengthen your connection? My marriage advice is to start small —one sincere phrase can make a big difference.

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